


I swore I'd never let you go

by Popstar



Category: One Direction (Band), Radio 1 RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-10
Updated: 2013-10-10
Packaged: 2017-12-29 01:22:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/999187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Popstar/pseuds/Popstar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nick and Louis are fighting via twitter and in real life. Harry has an idea and takes things into his own hands.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I swore I'd never let you go

**Author's Note:**

> [So basically I was all impressed by the drama that went down starting from Monday](http://dinofromspace.tumblr.com/post/63658511102/thesesimplewonders-this-whole-louis-zayn). And I was SO excited about fandom getting it on – because what better material do you need, for real? But when fandom didn’t do anything I decided to take things into my own hands. It needed to be done. And I’m hardly qualified since I’ve dropped into this fandom about two weeks ago? But well. Thanks to [crownheartsteacup](http://crownheartsteacup.tumblr.com/) who’s my walking and talking encyclopaedia of Tomlinshaw (also thanks for the beta <3) and [jerseylouis](http://jerseylouis.tumblr.com/) who kept me informed about the drama (I was busy due to real life, booh). So. This happened. Yeah.
> 
>  **Disclaimer** : I don't own anything and this is simply for entertainment. Don't want to hurt anyone's feelings here and am not implying anything - it's just fiction that sprung from my imagination.
> 
> I borrowed the title from Bon Jovi because they are awesome.

“He’s really mad at you, Grimmy. You screwed up big time.” 

“But I didn’t even do anything!” Nick lets out a frustrated sigh and slouches down on his couch. “I made a little fun of him, that’s all. You _know_ how it is. It’s my job.” 

“I know. But I know him, too. And it hurt him that you said he wasn’t your friend.” 

“Technically he isn’t..” 

“Grimmy!” 

“Alright, fine. I’ll apologise to him as soon as he answers my calls.” 

“He won’t. You know him. He’s..”

“A little stubborn prat, yeah.” 

“Be nice.” 

Nick sighs. “But there’s only so much I can do, Harold.” 

“I’ve got an idea. But it takes some work on your part.” 

“I’m all ears.” 

“Alright, listen up...”

  

~*~

  

Louis kicks the door to his hotel room shut and sighs heavily. He’s exhausted. He’s full on deadly exhausted from the gig they did tonight and from the fight he’s been having with Nick all week. Technically it’s not even a fight. _Technically_ it’s all Nick’s fault. He knows just how Nick is when he’s sick. He’s whiney and complaining about _everything_ and he’s even meaner than usual. So Louis should know just how Nick is when he’s having a cold. And technically he does. But well. Louis isn’t one who takes up with the complaining of others really well. He’s used to Nick’s complaining, of course, but that’s just because they’ve been dating for a rather long time now. 

When they had brought up the tweet about the paparazzi, Louis didn’t even bother because he hadn’t been listening to the breakfast show. He only came to know what’s been going on all day when Eleanor started tweeting about Nick. So when Louis called Nick that night it wasn’t much of a big deal. Nick filled him in about the joke and that the fans are supposed to go bonkers about that. Just as planned. They had a good laugh about it and Louis went to bed. 

But on the next day when Louis heard, live on air, that Nick didn’t want to talk about the real reason why he was trending on twitter, he texted him.

 

“ _you never talk about me on the radio, never say my name. i wanna hear my name from your mouth, not only finchy’s.. it’s always him that starts, never you. why is it never you nick?_ ”

 

Nick’s reply came instantly “ _love, i’m on the radio, we’ll talk later x_ ”

 

Louis had only stared at his phone, mad at Nick, so fucking _mad_ he didn’t even know what to say. It hurt him that Nick never really bothered to talk about him. He didn’t really want a confession of love live on air, of course, but a few nice words every now and then couldn’t hurt. But Nick never ever made an attempt to say something about Louis by himself, least of all something nice. One of the reasons why Louis never really bothered to listen to Nick’s show was because Nick never really cared about saying anything about Louis anyway. The text message was just the cherry on top of the icing on the cake Nick had been so careful to put on. So now, with this fucking stupid text message in mind, Louis saw red and posted a tweet that he knew would hurt Nick deeply.

 

“ _@grimmers < @chrisdjmoyles_”

 

Louis knew, just about as he had hit sent to his tweet, that this would upset Nick. He knew just exactly that Nick would stare at it, look away and then come up with another sassy thing to say. It’s Nick’s way of dealing with things. Louis knew it. But he was so damn mad, he didn’t know what else to do, how to hurt Nick better than publically on the internet. And Louis knew right then and there that he was probably going to regret his actions but he couldn’t bring himself to care. In this moment he had needed to see Nick suffer and it actually felt _good_. 

So basically all hell broke loose over the internet and Louis knew he had messed up bad because Nick refused to talk about it on air when Fearne tried to ask him about it. All he did was basically to decline his friendship with Louis. Which in return made Louis even madder. How could he. All Louis really wanted was Nick to say to millions of people live on air that he liked Louis. Or at least that Nick said something nice for once, all by himself, without being poked and prodded about it by Matt Fincham. Maybe, if Louis was really honest with himself, he was a little bit jealous of all the other people Nick had ever expressed his love for on the radio. He just wants be one of them. He wants the world to know that Nick likes him and that he likes Nick, simple as that.

 

So when Nick texted him again, Louis was already close to the brink of throwing stuff around. “ _you just know how to impress me, love_ ”

 

Louis was just about to reply when he saw Nick’s tweet. “ _Ooh Stacey got out the wrong side of bed this morning”_ And a fucking nail polish emoji. He had gritted out his teeth, tossed away his phone and decided to ignore Nick for the better.

 

It’s always been this complicated with Nick and him. At first Louis hadn’t really known how to place his feelings towards the older man. But it was Nick who let him in on the little secret that he knew just about how insecure Louis was about his own sexual preferences and that he really didn’t need to be. Louis felt threatened at first because no one should dare to say something like that to his face. But soon he came to realise that Nick understood him better than any other person would. Notwithstanding that the sex was _great_. Their relationship developed quickly after their first time together – Nick had been a great with Louis, all patient and loving, making him really enjoy himself. Even without them talking about what was happening between them, they figured out they were sliding into a relationship. 

 

The phone call that followed that evening was bad. Louis doesn’t even know how it became a fight in the first place but when he had Nick on the phone and talked to him suddenly everything went out of proportion. For no reason he started to yell, Nick yelled back and they threw really bad things at each other’s heads. It was disgusting, really. And after that Louis hadn’t cared about picking up the phone again when Nick’s caller id popped up on the display. 

They’ve never fought like this before. Sure, they bantered and bickered. But a real fight like this? No, never happened before.  
The problem with fighting with Nick is that both of them know exactly how to hurt the other. How to make the other suffer. And that’s just plain wrong, it’s playing dirty. Louis knows it and Nick knows it, too. And yet they went on about it, hurting each other worse than ever before. Probably because they haven’t seen each other for quite a long time. It’s what puts the most stress on their relationship after all. 

Louis can live with the press and the paps and the fans. He can cope with all that. He’s learnt how to deal with that after all in the last few years. But being away from Nick means being away from home, too. Nick’s house is like a second home to Louis. It’s just like missing his family. Only that Nick gives him something more, feelings Louis would have never considered having when thinking about Nick Grimshaw. But there he is, madly in love. And that’s why he’s taking everything so fucking seriously. 

Relationships take work. It’s something Louis is prepared for, he’s had relationships before. A secret relationship takes even more work than a normal one. A secret relationship with Nick Grimshaw is like the super bowl in issues. It takes time, work, patience and a whole lot of feelings. But patience is something Louis doesn’t possess. He knows it’s one of his flaws and he knows that he’s got to work on it. Nick drives him _insane_ at some point. But the biggest problem is probably that Louis takes just as much work to be with. He knows that he’s a complicated person to be with. And he knows that Nick has just got to love him very much to put up with all of Louis’s crap. But one can only bear so much. 

 

He lets out a groan and drops to the bed, burying his face in his pillow. He’s so fucking tired of it all. Maybe it should be him being the first to apologise. Because now, once the anger has ebbed away, all that sticks is plain fear. Fear that Nick is stubborn enough to not be the one to take a step towards Louis and say he’s sorry. Nick is probably going to think he doesn’t need Louis at all. Louis _knows_ that Nick can be just as stubborn and he’s the one who could live without having someone in his life for that long.  
And that’s something Louis can’t and won’t let happen. He can’t live without Nick anymore, he just can’t. Just as much as Nick drives him crazy, there’s something in being with Nick that calms Louis down. It takes the stress away and lets him relax. Around Nick he can be himself, no showing off, no playing the tough man. He can be Louis, _Nick’s_ Louis. Just like Nick is _Louis’s_ Nick with him. Or at least that’s what Louis likes to think, even though they never talk about it. 

“Fuck it,” Louis growls and grabs his mobile, speed-dialling Nick’s number, “I won’t let you win.” He waits patiently for the connection but Nick’s phone just goes straight to voicemail. “Fucker.” Louis tosses the phone back on the bed and gets up. Nick is probably out, partying or dj-ing, doing something _fun_ while Louis sits in the quiet and dark of his hotel room and tries to figure out how to save their fucking relationship.

 

“ _hope your having fun out, partying, drinking.. have a drink on your friend, mate.. just not on me kthxbye_ ” he writes to Nick and glares at the phone as if his death glare could reach Nick via the text message. Maybe it would make his heart bleed. If Nick Grimshaw even has a heart, that is.

 

“ _oh and don’t even think about calling me_ ”

 

“ _i’m so done with you nicholas. you make me sick_ ”

 

“ _physically_ ”

 

“ _like really sick to my stomach_ ”

 

“ _you’re not my friend either fyi_ ”

 

He knows that he’s spamming but he doesn’t care. He hopes Nick drowns in the text messages once he’s back in the real world where he’ll have to deal with Louis again.

 

“ _and i hope you enjoy the cock you see tonight_ _it’s the only other cock besides yours you’ll see for a while cause you won’t be having mine anymore mate_ ”

 

Louis grunts and tosses his phone aside. He sighs before he finally gets up and pads into the bathroom to get changed for the night. He’s had enough of everything and all he wants to do is hide under the covers and sleep till the next morning. Hopefully then the world will be better again. Or maybe Nick will just answer his phone so they can talk about it without yelling at each other again. 

 

~*~

  

“Stop.. Nick, lemme sleep,” Louis mumbles and sighs, rolling away from the caressing touches. He hates to be woken this early and he hates to be kissed and nuzzled and stroked like that. Or at least he hates it when he’s trying to sleep. _Nick_ knows it and it drives Louis mad that he doesn’t stop, will probably never stop, just to make him mad. But as his sleep-fogged mind drifts slowly back to reality he starts to remember that he’s in New Zealand and Nick’s in fucking London and that there’s no way in hell Nick can be with him. 

Louis jerks away and sits up with a start, looking at the intruder with big eyes. “N- Nick? What are you doing here? What on earth?”

“You wouldn't answer my calls,” Nick says simply, sitting up as well and shrugging at Louis, an almost innocent expression on his face.

Louis grits his teeth. Everything is slowly drifting back to him, the anger, the insecurity and he starts to feel mad at Nick again. “Damn well I wouldn't, considering what you said to me you stupid twat.”

“Oh c'mon. It's not like you've been any better than me.”

“But you were the one who started in the first place! You never say something about me in your show, you never start, it's always Finchy who comes up with me and then you never defend me like you defend Harry or Niall or Zayn or Liam!” Louis crosses his arms over his chest and shakes his head. It’s good to get it out at last. He’s never really thought about giving Nick a speech about him not talking about Louis. But Louis has kept everything bottled up for too long, now it’s time to let it out.

“That's not true, Lou. I wouldn't dare to say something really mean about you on air. You know that.”

“But why don't you talk about me in the first place? I just don’t understand, Nick!”

“Because I couldn't stop once I've started saying something nice,” Nick replies in a calm and simple voice, way too calm for him and Louis knows he must be dying on the inside to shout and yell and get it all out.

It’s actually nice to hear these words from Nick’s mouth, making Louis feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Louis gives him a look and sighs. “I hate you, y'know?”

“You don't.” Nick smiles and wraps his arms around him, pulling him close in a tight embrace. Nick smells a bit like stale air and maybe might need a little shower, too. But it feels way too good to have him in his arms again. “C’mon, you know that I wouldn't insult you in public. All I did was a few unfunny and badly timed jokes."

“But...”

“No ‘buts’ now, Louis. I didn't fly half around the world for you to ‘but’ me now. No. Just, listen, alright? I know you’ve felt neglected by me for not talking to you properly. I know that you’ve had a rough few weeks before. I know all that. But that’s no reason for you to act like you’ve done. It’s childish—“

“I know, but...”

“No, you listen to me now, Louis Tomlinson,” Nick says determined, looking Louis firmly in the eye, “you had no right to make me look like a fool in public. You know how much that would affect me. How much hate I would get. You know what impact everything you do and say has on the fans.”

“That was kind of the purpose”

“Yeah. It was. And it’s sad that you deliberately tried to hurt me because I made a little joke.”

“But you acted like I was only bugging you when I wanted you to _say_ something about me. And your stupid text was way too much!” Louis gives back. “Like, you’re the big radio dj and I’m just your stupid secret boyfriend who has nothing to say! Don’t you know how much I want to be seen with you, like for real?”  
Louis gives Nick a pleading look. Of course he has read the interview Nick had given the Sunday Times Magazine. Of course he has read that Nick wants a boyfriend, a real boyfriend whom he can show off in public. Something Louis can’t give Nick, not in the next few years. He can’t go out with him, be seen with him and hold his hand, smiling at the paps and not giving a fucking shit about what people think.

“I know that. Believe me, Lou, I know that, alright? But you gotta find different ways to let out your anger. You can’t act like a spoilt pop star. Not with me. I won’t let you do it. I just won’t.”

Louis sighs and averts his eyes, looking down at his hands that were still clenching to Nick’s shirt. “I know,” he whispers. “But I didn’t know what else to do.”

“That’s why I'm here." Nick smiles and cups Louis’s chin with two long fingers, lifting his head until Louis’s eyes meet his. “I flew thousands of miles and half around the world just to talk to you in person. And I’ve got six hours before I’ve got to catch my flight back. I’ll be exhausted tomorrow because I’ll land about five in the morning in London and then I’ve got to go through three and a half hours of morning show, a bunch of meetings and what not. But guess what, dummy, I like to do it for you. You won’t get rid of me. Okay?”

Louis sighs and nods, returning Nick’s intense gaze. It feels good to have the certainty of Nick saying something like that to him. He has doubted Nick and their relationship in general for the last weeks so much, it had hurt even more to be sidelined like that by Nick. Louis doesn’t even know what to say so he lets himself fall forward into Nick’s embrace, fingers clenching on the fabric of his shirt. “You’re absolutely crazy.”

“Yeah, for you,” Nick replies and smiles, wrapping his arms around Louis as well to keep him pressed close against his body. He presses his lips to Louis’s temple and sighs deeply. “About what I said...” 

“Never mind. It’s alright, really.” Louis shakes his head but doesn’t pull back. He wants to enjoy Nick’s embrace a little while longer. He just wants to feel him close, to make Nick’s touches last. He won’t get more of these until in a month because Nick will hardly fly half around the world every two weeks. 

“No, it isn’t, it’s...” 

“No. Nick. I overreacted, okay? I wanted to call you last night but your phone went straight to voicemail and was so angry... but I had some time to think about it. And _please_ just ignore the texts, too, if you haven’t seen them yet.” Louis takes in a deep breath and finally pulls back to look Nick in the eye, not really believing himself that he’s the one who’s _actually_ apologising. “It was a joke. And I crossed a line. I’m sorry.” He grabs for Nick’s hand and links their fingers, his smaller ones sliding easily between Nick’s larger ones. “I hurt you more than you hurt me and I _know_ how to make you suffer, that’s why I did it. I played dirty and that was wrong on so many levels.” 

“It’s okay, love.” Nick smiles and pulls Louis in for another kiss, a passionate and heated one. “I’m not mad. I’m really not. And I’m sorry, too.” 

“Yeah.” Louis smiles and gently pushes Nick to lie on his back and slowly climbs on top of him. He leans down for another kiss, one hand sliding into Nick’s hair, the other coming to rest on his chest. “Let’s make the most of the time we’ve got then, shall we?” 

“I like your thinking, Louis Tomlinson.” Nick grins up at him and pull’s Louis’s head down until their lips meet for another kiss, heat and passion growing as they kiss hungrily, hands reaching down to stroke, touch and grope every part they can reach.  
The sex this morning is slow, sweaty and incredibly hot, even better than usual, way more intimate than it ever was.

 

“You staying?” Louis asks, eyes closed, when he cuddles up to Nick, head resting on his chest right above his heart. 

“Can’t, love,” Nick replies and sighs heavily. “I’ve got a job to do. Can’t all be lazy pop stars.” 

Louis chuckles lightly, glad that their usual banter is back, right where it belongs. “Well, can’t all look as good as me either.” 

“Mhm, that’s true though.” Nick wraps his arm around him a little tighter and presses a kiss into Louis’s hair. “Looking forward to you coming back to London though.” 

“Yeah. Me, too.” Louis lifts his head to look down at Nick and smiles, hand coming to rest on Nick’s chest where his head has been lying moments before. His fingers gently stroke the warm skin and he tilts his head to the side, weighing if he really should say it. 

“I know,” Nick states and smiles. He brings up a hand and gently caresses Louis’s cheek, thumb stroking his cheekbone. “Me, too.” 

Louis returns the smile and leans down to Nick again, kissing him slowly and ever so gently. He’s glad that Nick is crazy enough to fly half around the world, spending so much time and money, just to spend six hours with Louis making up after their horrible fight before he’s flying back again to live his life. He’s damn glad that his boyfriend is the best in the world and he’ll make damn sure that he’ll let Nick know just what exactly he means to him. Even though Nick already seems to know.

 

The End.

**Author's Note:**

> By the way, I did my research (I love researching for fanfiction) and spammed [crownheartsteacup](http://crownheartsteacup.tumblr.com/) with it. It is entirely possible to take a short trip from London to Auckland in (three-)four days. Time difference makes it possible. It would be very expensive (Harry pays) and totally exhausting (38h outbound flight, about 26h inbound flight) but it's totally doable. Heh. :D


End file.
